| The Finished Film |

| day sixty-one |

2012-02-12T00:15:00.003-05:00

“I want men to admire me, but that's a trick you learn at school--a movement of the eyes, a tone of voice, a touch of the hand on the shoulder or the head. If they think you admire them, they will admire you because of your good taste, and when they admire you, you have an illusion for a moment that there's something to admire.”

| day sixty |

2012-02-11T02:23:00.003-05:00

"Eat your cookie!"

| day fifty-nine |

2012-02-10T02:12:00.000-05:00

“In our hearts there is a ruthless dictator, ready to contemplate the misery of a thousand strangers if it will ensure the happiness of the few we love.”

---

Yes, I realize this photo is old, but I just found it and felt its nostalgia was appropriate...

| day fifty-eight |

2012-02-09T01:10:00.002-05:00

“What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.”

| day fifty-seven |

2012-02-08T02:01:00.003-05:00

“Give me lust, baby. Flash. Give me malice. Flash. Give me detached existentialist ennui. Flash. Give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism.”

| day fifty-six |

2012-02-07T00:31:00.000-05:00

"And when we love our sin, then we are damned indeed.”

| day fifty-five |

2012-02-06T02:03:00.002-05:00

“Don’t forget, a great impression of simplicity can only be achieved by great agony of body and spirit.”

| day fifty-four |

2012-02-05T01:37:00.001-05:00

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.”

| day fifty-three |

2012-02-04T02:00:00.002-05:00

"Starting tomorrow, I'll only exist at night."

| day fifty-two |

2012-02-03T00:53:00.000-05:00

"And dawn goes down to day, nothing gold can stay."

| day fifty-one |

2012-02-02T01:02:00.003-05:00

“I believe in love. And beauty. I believe that every single person has something they find beautiful and that they truly love. The smell of their child's hair, the silence of a forest, their lover's crooked grin. Their country, their religion, their family. And I believe that if you follow this love all the way to its end, if you start with the thing you find most beautiful and trace it's perfume back to its essence, you will perceive an intangible presence, a swath of stillness that allows the thing you love to be visible like the openness of the sky reveals the presence of the moon.”

| day fifty |

2012-02-01T02:31:00.002-05:00

“I wish we could do something really sinful.”

| day forty-nine |

2012-01-31T01:05:00.000-05:00

“In this play I wrote, a woman appears naked on stage. She has a black square painted on her bare stomach. She tries to convince the gentleman on stage that it is a painting of the two of them in a boat on a lake on a moonless night.This is you paddling from the stern, she says. He sees nothing but a black square. Trees are blowing gently in the wind right below my ribs. She makes a gesture to her ribs and starts crying. Silence fills the stage as he touches the painting with his finger. He gets on his knees to study it. A pirate enters.”

| day forty-eight |

2012-01-30T01:36:00.002-05:00

“Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."

| day forty-seven |

2012-01-29T03:34:00.000-05:00

“We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.”

| day forty-six |

2012-01-28T00:19:00.000-05:00

“I lay for a long time in silence, staring at the ceiling. Was my life always to be like this? I wondered. Was it going to go, forever, in an instant, from sunshine to shadow? From pandemonium to loneliness? From fierce anger to a fiercer kind of love?”

| day forty-five |

2012-01-26T18:03:00.000-05:00

"Oh, the places you'll go!"

| day forty-four |

2012-01-26T00:38:00.001-05:00

“Who has not sat before his own heart's curtain? It lifts: and the scenery is falling apart.”

| day forty-three |

2012-01-25T01:35:00.002-05:00

"...she was the hiss of steam, the clink of a cup, she was a certain hour of the night and the promise of rest."

| day forty-two |

2012-01-24T02:50:00.001-05:00

"You would never believe this snow; it gets so heavy on our lungs, but it's been creeping up your walls and closing down the roads. But I swear I'm loving while I swear I still hide away from the cold."

| day forty-one |

2012-01-23T01:10:00.002-05:00

"Can you hear it now? The sound of my smile breaking and lighting me up."

| day forty |

2012-01-22T00:32:00.003-05:00

"You don't understand! If you were me, you would do things I would do!"

| day thirty-nine |

2012-01-21T00:53:00.002-05:00

"In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby, I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me."

| day thirty-eight |

2012-01-20T01:17:00.000-05:00

"Life's too short for me to stop, oh baby, your time is running out."

| day thirty-seven |

2012-01-20T01:15:00.001-05:00

"When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead."

| day thirty-six |

2012-01-17T23:41:00.003-05:00

“It was not the feeling of completeness that I so needed, but the feeling of not being empty.”

| day thirty-five |

2012-01-17T02:18:00.001-05:00

"And then he falls asleep on the living room couch..."

| day thirty-four |

2012-01-16T01:06:00.002-05:00

"There's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me."

| day thirty-three |

2012-01-16T00:24:00.003-05:00

"It's to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car..."

| day thirty-two |

2012-01-13T23:47:00.002-05:00

"And little by little forget about time and its speed, stop the rhythm and go very slowly, slower every time."

| day thirty-one |

2012-01-13T03:40:00.002-05:00

"You were only waiting for this moment to be free."

| day thirty |

2012-01-12T01:49:00.001-05:00

"If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people."

| day twenty-nine |

2012-01-10T23:12:00.001-05:00

“I thought the most beautiful thing in the world must be shadow, the million moving shapes and cul-de-sacs of shadow. There was shadow in bureau drawers and closets and suitcases, and shadow under houses and trees and stones, and shadow at the back of people's eyes and smiles, and shadow, miles and miles and miles of it, on the night side of the earth.”

| day twenty-eight |

2012-01-09T20:39:00.002-05:00

"I was so ready to get out, so ready to taste that ocean, I was willing to put you in harm's way to get there. Nothing should be worth that."

| day twenty-seven |

2012-01-09T01:49:00.001-05:00

"Why do you look when you've already found it? What did you find that could leave you walking by?"

| day twenty-six |

2012-01-08T02:11:00.002-05:00

“There are chords in the hearts of the most reckless which cannot be touched without emotion.”

| day twenty-five |

2012-01-06T23:54:00.002-05:00

"But I was sure of something, too: it’s a lot easier to be lost than found. It’s the reason we’re always searching, and rarely discovered — so many locks, not enough keys."

| day twenty-four |

2012-01-05T23:29:00.000-05:00

"And now you're lonely, looking for yourself out there."

| day twenty-three |

2012-01-05T00:00:00.001-05:00

"Can you my darling, can you picture this?"

| day twenty-two |

2012-01-04T01:59:00.000-05:00

"Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black and the dark street winds and bends. Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow we shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow, and watch where the chalk-white arrows go to the place where the sidewalk ends."

| day twenty-one |

2012-01-02T23:41:00.000-05:00

"You might restrain me, but could you really blame me?"

| day twenty |

2012-01-01T22:16:00.001-05:00

"Article 22: There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro."

| day nineteen |

2011-12-31T22:21:00.004-05:00

“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.”

---

Yeah, horrible photo of me. See how many fucks I give!

| day eighteen |

2011-12-30T23:32:00.002-05:00

"The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold."

| day seventeen |

2011-12-29T23:12:00.002-05:00

"...all day I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps."

| day sixteen |

2011-12-28T20:09:00.000-05:00

"I met a girl who sang the blues and I asked her for some happy news, but she just smiled and turned away."

| day fifteen |

2011-12-27T11:25:00.000-05:00

"The laughter penetrates my silence as drunken men find flaws in science."

| day fourteen |

2011-12-27T11:23:00.002-05:00

"How do you know I'm mad?"

"You must be, or you wouldn't have come here."

| day thirteen |

2011-12-25T23:46:00.002-05:00

"When it gets dark, I tow your heart away."

| day twelve |

2011-12-24T23:24:00.001-05:00

"From what I've tasted of desire, I hold with those who favor fire."

| day eleven |

2011-12-23T17:00:00.001-05:00

"I dwell with a strangely aching heart in that vanished abode there far apart..."

| day ten |

2011-12-22T22:54:00.000-05:00

“Your handwriting. The way you walk. Which china pattern you choose. It’s all giving you away. Everything you do shows your hand. Everything is a self portrait. Everything is a diary.”

| day nine |

2011-12-21T22:06:00.001-05:00

"I don't wanna miss out on the holiday, but I can't stop staring at your face. I should be playing in the winter snow, but imma be under the mistletoe."

| day eight |

2011-12-20T21:32:00.002-05:00

"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart."

| day seven |

2011-12-19T22:05:00.000-05:00

"Blind the face with beauty paste, eventually you'll one day know."

| day six |

2011-12-19T21:58:00.002-05:00

"And I would walk 500 miles..."

| day five |

2011-12-17T20:55:00.002-05:00

"Siete son los pecados cometidos, suman ocho conmigo...vamos pal infierno, pon que no sea eterno. Suave y bien."

| day four |

2011-12-16T23:05:00.002-05:00

"Like a flower waiting to bloom, like a lightbulb in a dark room - I'm just sitting here, waiting for you to come on home and turn me on."

| day three |

2011-12-15T22:05:00.004-05:00

"I can't imagine all the people that you know and the places that you go when the lights are turned down low."

| day two |

2011-12-14T21:18:00.001-05:00

"After the briskness of loving, loving stops. And you roll over with death stretched out alongside you like a feather boa, or a snake, light as air, and you...you don’t even ask for anything or try to say something to him because it’s obviously your own damn fault. You haven’t been able to—to what? To open your heart. You open your legs but can’t, or don’t dare anymore, to open your heart.”

| day one |

2011-12-13T20:09:00.004-05:00

“I’m just a painting that’s still wet. If you touch me, I’ll be smeared. You’ll be stained for the rest of your life.”

---

Well, here we are again. Over a year has passed since I finished my first Project 365 and a lot has changed. Once again, I am nowhere close to being the same person I was a year ago, yet it amazes me how much I don't remember of this change.

The first time around, I did this project to feel more comfortable with myself in front of the camera. I wanted people to feel and see the same beauty I saw in them, but how could I do that if I couldn't feel that way about myself? It was hypocritical of me, so I decided to let all of my walls down and step in front of the shutter for once. I learned so much about myself from that year-long experience and I wouldn't change it for a single thing.

Here's the thing - I don't mind putting myself in front of the camera anymore, but I still enjoy learning about myself through my own photographs. So this time around, while I'm still going to be using myself as a model, don't be weirded out if you see a photograph with no one in it. This project is going to be about expanding my skills, not just myself. So if I'm struck with a flash of creativity that needs someone else as the model, well, I'm going to do it.

What I'm trying to say is, is that this 365 is going to be much more laid back than the last one. I may not get each photo up by midnight every day, but I will definitely try. I want quality with this project, and not so much worry about how fast I can upload the photo. With that said though, do not let me slack! Seriously. Also, fun fact, I may end up ranting a lot more in the blog this time around (it may not be weekly), so stay tuned for some insight into my crazy, ridiculously intellectual (and good-looking) brain.

| the end |

2010-08-04T09:40:00.003-04:00

Well, here it is - I am finally finished. 365 days of photos, of me, of friends, of turmoil and sadness, happiness, pain, and tears. All of my flaws have been placed out on the table over the span of the year for the world to see, and yet, I find that that is perfectly okay with me.

It's weird. One year ago, I would not have believed that I would be writing this. I never thought I would finish. One year ago, I would not have showed most of my body to the world. Yet here I am, with several photos that scare me right down to the core uploaded online.

Sometimes I even wonder if this is real, if it actually happened. I feel as though the only evidence that it did happen are the photos. But isn't that how every year is? A year goes by, and you don't feel any different, any older, but the fact remains that you are older and you have changed. For me, the ability to look back and visibly see the changes in myself through my photography is absolutely mind-blowing. From this project, I have felt and seen myself grow and change. The confidence I have in my photography and myself has exceeded any limit that I had ever set for myself.

To be honest though, I would not have made it if it weren't for my friends and family. Everyone put up with this project. The nights I was up late, the socializing events I had to pause to take and upload a photo, the cameras/computers/phones I sometimes used that were not my own - all of these things and more show reasons why I could not have done this alone. I love every single one of you to pieces, and I want to tell you all thank you. You all mean the world to me.

People have been asking me what it feels like to be done. It feels...amazing. I don't think it has fully hit me yet (or ever will). I won't lie, this project was not easy. Some days, I came really close to giving up. I was just so sick of it. I moaned and whined about it, and then someone kicked me in the rear and I just did it. Other days, the photos flowed out of me like liquid poetry and whatever solidified became something beautiful and solid, straight from the deepest part of my core.

Regardless, each photo still represents a part of me. Some parts are the one's that are permanent, others are ever-changing, and other parts were just fleeting moments, pieces I will never get back but cherish and love all the same. Placing myself in front of the camera has made me focused and determined. If I can make myself feel beautiful in front of a camera, I feel as though I can make anyone feel beautiful. Photography is my life and dream, I know this for sure now. The feel and weight of a camera in my hands is something I think only people with a passion can understand. It's solid, it's sure, and it's something I know will never betray me or let me down.

To sum up this past year in a handful of events: I have stayed up all night to learn the about the best part of my best friend, saved a friend's life, gained an amazing boyfriend, lost my grandmother, learned about my grandfather's brain tumor, finished my second year of college, made and got closer with two new and amazing friends, watched my brother move into his own place, watched some of my best friends graduate from high school and college, been in the hospital, lost a boyfriend, and have seen where my true loyalties lie. Each and every one of these things had a significant impact on my life and the changes I went through. While not all of them are necessarily good memories, they are things I would never change.

To anyone who reads this, please consider doing your own 365. What you're reading right now cannot explain to you what it does for the mind, body, and soul. I have learned so much about myself, that I feel as though nothing could ever sway me to change other than myself. The journey I have experienced is something I wish I could share with all of you, yet I know I already have. The highest compliment I received during this project was when I saw one of my photos make a friend cry. The fact that something I created could move a person to tears, or to simply feel any kind of emotion is the best compliment I could ever get. Despite this though, without finding your own passion and doing your own 365, you will never understand the feelings I feel, despite the photographs and quotes. It is something I wish everyone could experience though.

On a final note, thank you again to all of you. This would not have happened without you. From here, I'm going to pick up my camera and keep on clicking. Maybe not of myself, but maybe instead of you. I want to make you feel beautiful. And you, you, you, and you - all of you. I now believe that inside of every person there is a core that shows your true beauty. I feel as though I have captured that within myself. I took my lens and zoomed into the deepest parts of me - the darkest nooks and crannies of my heart. With every photo I took, a little bit more was discovered, polished, and shown to the world. My goal is to zoom into everyone's core, polish things up, and show your true beauty to the world. If I could do that, well, let's just say it's going to take some time.

Once again, I thank all of you and hope everyone has a wonderful and beautiful year =)

| day 365 |

2010-08-02T21:35:00.001-04:00

"I am a camera, with its shutter open, quite passive. Some day, all of this will have to be developed, carefully printed, fixed."

| day 364 |

2010-08-01T23:47:00.001-04:00

"I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through. I've never been perfect, but neither have you."

| day 363 |

2010-07-31T21:26:00.001-04:00

"The bridge will only take you halfway there, to those mysterious lands you long to see. Through gypsy camps and swirling Arab fair, and moonlit woods where unicorns run free. So come and walk awhile with me and share the twisting trails and wondrous worlds I've known. But this bridge will only take you halfway there. The last few steps you have to take alone."

| day 362 |

2010-07-30T22:13:00.001-04:00

"She who reconciles the ill-matched threads of her life, and weaves them gratefully into a single cloth – it’s she who drives the loudmouths from the hall and clears it for a different celebration."

| day 361 |

2010-07-29T23:33:00.002-04:00

"How hard is it to paint a pretty girl?"

| day 360 |

2010-07-28T23:16:00.003-04:00

"And she knows she's more than just a little misunderstood."

| day 359 |

2010-07-27T23:57:00.001-04:00

"Boy poison - a boy's kisses were like a poison, which infected you and after you were exposed you craved more, like an addict."

| day 358 |

2010-07-26T21:24:00.001-04:00

"Review my wishes for fair weather, 'cause I know if it clouds or rains or snows, you won't be there. How weak is that? Wish I was worth it to you."

| week fifty-one |

2010-07-25T23:53:00.001-04:00

So...this is the last full week. Holy shit.

| day 357 |

2010-07-25T23:37:00.003-04:00

"From all that I can collect by your manner of talking, you must be two of the silliest girls in the country. I have suspected it some time, but I am now convinced."

| day 356 |

2010-07-24T22:35:00.002-04:00

"I worried so much about how I looked and whether I was doing things right, I felt half the time I was impersonating a girl instead of really being me."

| day 355 |

2010-07-23T23:09:00.002-04:00

"We too, must shatter the mirrors. We must look in to ourselves and root out the distortions until that thing which we know in our hearts is perfect and true, stands before us."

| day 354 |

2010-07-22T23:31:00.003-04:00

"There's a bird that nests inside you, sleeping underneath your skin. Yeah, when you open up your wings to speak, I wish you'd let me in."

| day 353 |

2010-07-21T23:46:00.000-04:00

"But I thought that I should tell you, if it's not to late to say, I could put back all the pieces, they just might not fit the same. Nothing's worth losing, especially the chance to make it right."

| day 352 |

2010-07-20T23:10:00.003-04:00

"Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard."

| day 351 |

2010-07-19T23:44:00.001-04:00

"I had thought of all the things I had done, and couldn't undo. And I longed for a moments peace."

| week fifty |

2010-07-18T23:54:00.001-04:00

T-minus 15 days...what?

| day 350 |

2010-07-18T23:45:00.003-04:00

"Self pity becomes your oxygen. But you learned to breathe it without a gasp. So, nobody even notices you're hurting."

| day 349 |

2010-07-17T16:30:00.001-04:00

"She danced. She sang. She took. She gave. She loved. She created. She dissented. She enlivened. She saw. She grew. She sweated. She changed. She learned. She laughed. She shed her skin. She bled on the pages of her days, she walked through walls, she lived with intention."

| day 348 |

2010-07-16T23:27:00.001-04:00

"But the space between where you're smilin' high is where you'll find me if I get to go. The space between the bullets in our firefight is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you."

| day 347 |

2010-07-15T20:37:00.002-04:00

"It will come sometime. Some beautiful morning she will just wake up and find it is tomorrow. Not today, but tomorrow. And then things will happen...wonderful things."

| day 346 |

2010-07-14T23:47:00.001-04:00

"Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless."

| day 345 |

2010-07-13T23:15:00.003-04:00

"What you do, the way you think, makes you beautiful."

---

This idea was taken from the "Uglies" series by Scott Westerfeld. At age 16, everyone undergoes an operation to make them "pretty", giving them perfectly symmetrical features, perfect skin, big eyes, etc. - all for the sake of equality. In the book, the technology allowed the "uglies" to transform their faces on a digital screen to see what they would look like after the operation. I attempted to duplicate this...and found my right side is more beautiful!

| day 344 |

2010-07-12T21:10:00.001-04:00

"She never slows down. She doesn't know why, but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like it's all coming down, she won't turn around. The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down."

| week forty-nine |

2010-07-12T21:06:00.002-04:00

I am quite literally in the final stretch. Has it really been a year? I have about 3 weeks left of an entire year of photos. I have no idea what I'm going to do when it's over.

Also, by the end of this, I will have a decent post to share with anyone who actually reads my blog.

Until then...

| day 343 |

2010-07-11T23:20:00.001-04:00

"I sometimes think that people’s hearts are like deep wells. Nobody knows what’s at the bottom. All you can do is imagine by what comes floating to the surface every once in a while."

| day 342 |

2010-07-10T15:41:00.002-04:00

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone."

| day 341 |

2010-07-09T18:02:00.001-04:00

"From this new and intimate perspective, she learned a simple, obvious thing she had always known, and everyone knew; that a person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn, not easily mended."

| day 340 |

2010-07-08T23:46:00.001-04:00

"If those cats could of dug me and my gangster ways, they would have hung up their guns and dug into their graves."

| day 339 |

2010-07-07T23:25:00.001-04:00

"Oh, you're in my blood like holy wine - you taste so bitter and so sweet. Oh, I could drink a case of you darling and I would still be on my feet. Oh, I would still be on my feet."

| day 338 |

2010-07-06T23:34:00.001-04:00

"Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, talent, guts. That's what little girls are made of; the heck with sugar and spice."

| day 337 |

2010-07-05T23:55:00.000-04:00

"I got lost in the night without the light of your eyelids, and when the night surrounded me, I was born again: I was the owner of my own darkness."

| week forty-eight |

2010-07-05T23:48:00.004-04:00

Whoa. Less than a month!

| day 336 |

2010-07-04T22:31:00.003-04:00

"We are all like fireworks. We climb, shine and always go our separate ways and become further apart. Then, even if that time comes, let's not disappear like a firework and continue to shine forever."

| day 335 |

2010-07-03T15:52:00.001-04:00

"Objects in mirror are closer than they appear."

| day 334 |

2010-07-02T23:23:00.001-04:00

"She knew that for her the greatest sin now and in the future was to delude herself. It had been a long lesson but she had learned it. Either you think--or else others have to think for you and take power from you, pervert and discipline your natural tastes, civilize and sterilize you."

| day 333 |

2010-07-01T23:52:00.001-04:00

"I don't care if it hurts - I want to have control, I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul, I want you to notice when I'm not around. You're so fucking special. I wish I was special."

| day 332 |

2010-06-30T23:28:00.003-04:00

"Maybe you're just a daydream, taken out of my window panes, making sure everything is just alright."