Well, here it is - I am finally finished. 365 days of photos, of me, of friends, of turmoil and sadness, happiness, pain, and tears. All of my flaws have been placed out on the table over the span of the year for the world to see, and yet, I find that that is perfectly okay with me.
It's weird. One year ago, I would not have believed that I would be writing this. I never thought I would finish. One year ago, I would not have showed most of my body to the world. Yet here I am, with several photos that scare me right down to the core uploaded online.
Sometimes I even wonder if this is real, if it actually happened. I feel as though the only evidence that it did happen are the photos. But isn't that how every year is? A year goes by, and you don't feel any different, any older, but the fact remains that you are older and you have changed. For me, the ability to look back and visibly see the changes in myself through my photography is absolutely mind-blowing. From this project, I have felt and seen myself grow and change. The confidence I have in my photography and myself has exceeded any limit that I had ever set for myself.
To be honest though, I would not have made it if it weren't for my friends and family. Everyone put up with this project. The nights I was up late, the socializing events I had to pause to take and upload a photo, the cameras/computers/phones I sometimes used that were not my own - all of these things and more show reasons why I could not have done this alone. I love every single one of you to pieces, and I want to tell you all thank you. You all mean the world to me.
People have been asking me what it feels like to be done. It feels...amazing. I don't think it has fully hit me yet (or ever will). I won't lie, this project was not easy. Some days, I came really close to giving up. I was just so sick of it. I moaned and whined about it, and then someone kicked me in the rear and I just did it. Other days, the photos flowed out of me like liquid poetry and whatever solidified became something beautiful and solid, straight from the deepest part of my core.
Regardless, each photo still represents a part of me. Some parts are the one's that are permanent, others are ever-changing, and other parts were just fleeting moments, pieces I will never get back but cherish and love all the same. Placing myself in front of the camera has made me focused and determined. If I can make myself feel beautiful in front of a camera, I feel as though I can make anyone feel beautiful. Photography is my life and dream, I know this for sure now. The feel and weight of a camera in my hands is something I think only people with a passion can understand. It's solid, it's sure, and it's something I know will never betray me or let me down.
To sum up this past year in a handful of events: I have stayed up all night to learn the about the best part of my best friend, saved a friend's life, gained an amazing boyfriend, lost my grandmother, learned about my grandfather's brain tumor, finished my second year of college, made and got closer with two new and amazing friends, watched my brother move into his own place, watched some of my best friends graduate from high school and college, been in the hospital, lost a boyfriend, and have seen where my true loyalties lie. Each and every one of these things had a significant impact on my life and the changes I went through. While not all of them are necessarily good memories, they are things I would never change.
To anyone who reads this, please consider doing your own 365. What you're reading right now cannot explain to you what it does for the mind, body, and soul. I have learned so much about myself, that I feel as though nothing could ever sway me to change other than myself. The journey I have experienced is something I wish I could share with all of you, yet I know I already have. The highest compliment I received during this project was when I saw one of my photos make a friend cry. The fact that something I created could move a person to tears, or to simply feel any kind of emotion is the best compliment I could ever get. Despite this though, without finding your own passion and doing your own 365, you will never understand the feelings I feel, despite the photographs and quotes. It is something I wish everyone could experience though.
On a final note, thank you again to all of you. This would not have happened without you. From here, I'm going to pick up my camera and keep on clicking. Maybe not of myself, but maybe instead of you. I want to make you feel beautiful. And you, you, you, and you - all of you. I now believe that inside of every person there is a core that shows your true beauty. I feel as though I have captured that within myself. I took my lens and zoomed into the deepest parts of me - the darkest nooks and crannies of my heart. With every photo I took, a little bit more was discovered, polished, and shown to the world. My goal is to zoom into everyone's core, polish things up, and show your true beauty to the world. If I could do that, well, let's just say it's going to take some time.
Once again, I thank all of you and hope everyone has a wonderful and beautiful year =)
